Aches and Pains and Papas and Petals

After thinking for awhile that I have arthritis, medical appointments the past few months have confirmed as much--osteoarthritis and psoriatic arthritis--and I'm now scheduled to meet with a rheumatologist this winter.  "You should consider talking with someone," one of the doctors told me, "because chronic pain is hard."  I should take her advice--Trained Counselor, heal thyself!--but I'm not there yet.  In a dream earlier this week, my grandfather who died in 2017 smiled at me and said, "I want to see you happy again."  There was no disappointment or judgement in his tone.  I could feel his own seemingly ever-present lightheartedness same as always, but I understood the implied urging toward action in his words.  This was only the second time I've dreamed of him since he died, and this was the first time he's spoken.  I want to see you happy again.  Well, then!  My goodness.   I cashed in a little vacation time this week and next to sort myself out a bit and took pen to paper the other day to come up with some Operation See Val Happy Again ideas.  Treating myself to flowers every week was one.  I've had stretches before of doing it but never consistently for very long, and I'm determined now to indulge myself weekly.  The creamy white Hydrangeas caught my eye late last night and seemed a sweet start to this small part of my plan.  I have other ideas, but this voluptuous bouquet was enough for yesterday. 

Artwork by Bianca

The flu struck the week before Thanksgiving and never really went away.  'Am still sick but can almost say I've managed to pull off another Christmas.  This is niece Bianca's Saturday depiction of the two of us beside the Christmas tree.  (My hair!  Our eyes!)  Rarely have I been more charmed by something (or someone).  :)  ♥  Happy holidays to you all, and catch you in the new year. 

The Sallie Mae Pay-Off Cake (This Year's Best Accomplishment)

After sixteen and a half years making payments toward one of my student loans, I finally paid it off last Friday morning.  

And made myself a celebration cake to beat all prior celebration cakes.  :)  A glittering rainbow,  some shiny coins, a goodbye scroll, a few smiley faces, a bluebird of happiness?  OHHH YEAAAH, it's got it all.  :)

I first took out this student loan in the summer of 2000, a month or so before starting grad school at New York University.  That is so many lifetimes ago now, it seems, so all the better to have all the payments for it finally completed.  

Even with jobs, grants, and scholarships, the student loans were also always necessary for me throughout college and grad school, but the debt is quite a burden to carry, and as with everyone after a certain age, if I knew then what I know now and could redo it all, who's to say. . . .And I still have an insane amount of student loan debt, but let us celebrate today what we can, right.  Never again having to pen into my journal my new-and-improved Sallie Mae balance is an accomplishment. 

I have been keeping diaries and journals since I was nine, and while looking through some of my old ones late this summer, I soon grew tired of seeing how many times I'd written "My Sallie Mae balance is now down to $[whatever-amount]" or "Another payment today.  New balance:  $[whatever-new-amount]."  Blah blah blah, entry after entry, year after year. . . .When I was twenty-three. . .Thirty-three. . .Thirty-nine. . .Until I got sick of it late this summer and sat down with pen and paper to figure out how much I'd have to work to pay it off by the end of this year.  THIS year, finally.

I calculated my wages, my usual number of hours/week and hours/month, what overtime would maybe be available throughout the fall, and how much extra I'd need to do in order to make the final payment on this loan by New Year's Eve.  I came up with the number of extra hours I guessed I'd need to work--and I worked them.  And worked them, and worked them. . .days and nights, going back to work after just a few hours of sleep from the shift before, giving up days off to get a few more hours. . .the past three months. . . .And I ended up working only one hour more than I'd estimated that I'd need to and actually paying it off two weeks early, so all my estimates were spot-on.

I gave up what was to be my second visit to Boston, in October, for this.  I had already booked the flight and gotten the days off work but decided to be a grown up and do this instead.  'The  right thing to do, but I so wanted to be there in the fall. . . .It was to have been the weekend of David Ortiz's final game with the Red Sox and of an Oktoberfest-themed 5K race I'd intended to run.  My designated "Boston days" found me back at work here instead.  Life goes on, and I'll get back to Boston sometime, and now the loan is paid off. . . but the trip would have made for some sweet autumn memories. 

I made the final payment last Friday morning, hours after returning from a week of "merry early Christmas" with my family and set out for the grocery store for cake-baking and cake-decorating supplies soon after.  ♥  The cake was the classic Hershey Celebration Cake but with hot coffee and buttermilk replacing the hot water and milk per an Ina Garten recipe.  Candy-tape made the rainbow, I dolled up a few yellow gumballs for the smiley faces, the coins were easy to find with Hanukkah candy this time of year, and I crafted the bluebird and scroll out of homemade marshmallow fondant.  It is not the most prettily-frosted cake, but I was too tickled by the cause for celebration to care.  :)

And I called my dad--who had warned me in summer 2000 not to take out this loan in the first place, but I had just turned twenty-three so knew everything and didn't listen to him, of course--to tell him the good news. ♥ 

Stuffed was unimpressed and remained on his warm radiator-perch all afternoon.

I should have followed his lead, as it turns out, for I came down with the flu Friday evening and was sicker all weekend than I'd been since early 2012.  But until then:  happiness and cake!  :)

Even if fatigue ultimately caught up with me, I reached my goal and have kissed this debt goodbye.  And the fresh new journal I begin next month will be the first in almost seventeen years that won't mention it.  And the flu has now mellowed into a cold, and there are still two slices of cake in the fridge.  :)

♥

To and From Work ~ So Goes October

A cough lingers, I'm still a bit stuffed-up, and I feel worn out from two weeks of this.  This oh-so-eagerly-anticipated autumn has, officially, started without me.  And my cold has coincided with what has felt like a thousand overtime shifts at work I can't get out of, so it is already a wearying fall.  All that said, I still feel worlds better than I did even a few days ago.  And I found these three hearts along my walks to and from work yesterday and today. 

Ah, love!  Here's to a brighter mid-October and a healthier November (for me, for us all, and for this county, for that matter).

Onward!  ♥

Sick-Day Chair-Stealer

The cold continues, but the cat is cute.  ♥

Last Heart of September

It's been a soup and tea-filled weekend as my first cold in many months rages on.  'A couple more days before I'm scheduled to return to work, though, and here's hoping the extra rest does the trick.  It's finally fall, my favorite season, and that finds me happy, cold and all. 

Together

This dear card--with its printed message inside of "Life's a journey.  'Glad we're in it together!"--will soon be sent to Aunt Laurie.  While I was finishing my last post, Mom called to tell me that my aunt was in the hospital with sepsis that had spread throughout her body, and even late that night when Mom called back to update me, Aunt Laurie's blood pressure was still only 80 over 40.  Terror.  I spent Thursday and most of yesterday dreading Mom's next phone call, choking up as I mailed another card to my sweet aunt from the post office yesterday afternoon, praying for more years and decades more with my faithful pen pal of an aunt.  

When I talked with Mom again last night, she said Aunt Laurie was doing much better and a Sunday hospital-discharge is even a possibility if she continues to improve this weekend.  Uncle Warren reported that when Aunt Laurie was at her sickest the other night, she said she could see angels standing around her hospital bed.   I don't know how close we just came to losing her, but I can imagine--all too vividly now--and it's been a few days that have felt like a hundred.  

Before she got sick, Aunt Laurie had been planning to visit in July, and I pray we can all make it happen still, although I'll likely be blubbering all over her as we hug hello.  Goodness, this life.   

I've Waited All Week for This

Ahhhh!  I made it through the past two nights at work, treated myself to both this pretty Primrose and a bottle of ZzzQuil before heading home and climbing into bed this morning, and slept the sleep of the ZzzQuil-drugged:  I woke at 4:00 this afternoon, nine sweet hours later.  Bliss!  A cranberry bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, a salad and almonds for lunch, and later, chili with cornbread for supper.  For the first time since the night after Christmas, my head and eyes feel good enough to let me read again, so I've spent this evening curled up in a blanket-nest in my chair with J.K. Rowling-writing-as-Robert-Galbraith's Career of Evil.  'Am off for the next few days and fully intend to rest as much as possible, alternating books and movies and naps, to get this cold out of my system. 

A Lavender Christmas Breakfast Table

I woke up with a sore throat Christmas morning--The Christmas Cold revisited for the second time this month, a new record for me!--and am still battling it, the stuffed-up head, the runny nose, and the complete fatigue a few days later, but this Christmas was lovely.  As has been tradition each year we've been married, I made our Christmas breakfast cinnamon rolls late Christmas Eve (or in the wee hours of Christmas morning, since I went to bed at 2 am this time), but instead of setting the table in this year's color--last year the table was orange, 2013's was a buttery yellow and cream, 2012's was pink, and 2011's was aqua--I just frosted and covered the rolls and went to bed. 

I woke up at 7 am with the sore throat that didn't let me sleep any longer, so I got up, set the table in lavender, and made all the casseroles and side dishes that were to go with our supper.  'A good thing, as I would fall asleep almost seconds after eating that night. 

These two purple-winged cherub bookends are always on my shelves, but they struck me a few weeks ago as perfect for our Christmas table, so a lavender Christmas, it became.  The tiny cupcake and ball ornaments beside them were from my aunt Heidi years ago.  

Mom gave me the lavender napkins, candle, purple tinsel-garland, and the gorgeous Chickadee card this year with my Christmas gifts, since I'd mentioned the lavender table idea to her while home last month.  

The snowflake-shaped candle holder below was a gift from Aunt Laurie this year. 

The snowflake spreader was only twenty-five cents on clearance at Walgreens years ago, and I've used it every Christmas morning.  Mom found me the beautiful lavender snowflake ornament and hobnail ramekin-that-served-as-a-butter-dish below.

I'd forgotten until Christmas morning that I had thrown our usual snowflake-patterned lace tablecloth into the hamper a couple weeks ago when I'd noticed a stain on it, and since I wasn't up to doing last-minute laundry Christmas morning, I used a piece of leftover white kitchen curtain material over one of our lavender-patterned flat sheets.  I've spent most of the weekend sleeping and reading in bed and in my chair, but it's still been a sweet holiday.  As I was getting ready to leave for work last night, my supervisor called to tell me I didn't need to come in--BLESSED surprise!  ♥--so that gave me an extra night off to recover.  'Two more days off, so I'm confident I'll be starting the new year in better health.  And I wrap up this Christmas with a relieved "Whew! I pulled it off!" as I head back to bed.  :)  'Hope you've all had a sweet weekend.

The Best-Laid Plans

A bit earlier than usual, I've come down with my seemingly annual Christmas cold, so it looks like I'll be slowing down even a bit more than I'd even intended while writing my last post.  I'm most-grateful to be done with shopping for my family since my Christmas with them is next weekend already.  I had planned to put up the tree yesterday but only got as far as clearing the space on this tiny wall beside the mantel and then was too pooped to do more.  I went to bed around 7:30 last night, and there's no time or energy for tree-work today either, so it will have to be good-enough in the meantime just to have the spot ready and waiting, especially since I feel like dragging a blanket and pillow over to the cleared-out corner for a nap.  Ah, December!  I will take the cold as confirmation of all my good intentions from last Friday and simply let myself rest.  

And somewhat off-subject:  How handsome is actor Barry Bostwick?!  

His movie Holiday Baggage was on TV while Mom and I put up the tree while I was home last week, and as I told her:  Hubba-hubba!  Talk of tree-decorating reminded me of him and the movie just-now.  And I'll let that be the positive note on which this post ends.  :)

On a Blue-Check Sick-Bed

I returned yesterday from a longer-than-usual visit with Mom and Dad.  Mom is recovering from surgery, and with each day of that recovery, one of this fall's biggest worries wanes a bit more.  She has an outpatient surgery scheduled for spring, but to have one hospital-stay down and one procedure to-go is better than where we were a week ago, so we will focus on that for now.  And eat our weight in pumpkin muffins.  My brothers have been keeping Mom supplied with gluten-free groceries, and the muffins, rolls, and macaroni have all been hits.  I arrived Sunday with a basket of magazines, a handmade scrapbook, and a few other other goodies--and Halloween treats for my dad, nieces, and nephew--and set up camp in the living room with Mom, sleeping on one of the chairs at night while Mom slept on the couch.  Sweet Mom, who always gives so much of herself to everyone else, has been showered with flowers, baked goods, visits from her beloved "grandbabies," and oh! the most wonderful mail.  ♥  We kept lit in the living room a pumpkin-scented candle Aunt Laurie had sent in a pre-surgery care package.  We made cinnamon rolls from a gluten-free pizza crust mix my younger brother had given her.  We smiled over a get-well card my older brother's kids had drawn for her.  We enjoyed a visit with my dancing queen of an almost-two-year-old niece.  We enjoyed Dad's laundry service.  And the early November weather was mild enough for Mom to get some fresh air out on the deck, albeit still cuddled-up in a blanket, and for me to take a break and enjoy some walks around the yard and in the woods behind her and Dad's house.  We watched movies, old "Barney Miller" episodes--we share a Hal Linden crush--and the most striking sunset, and I myself found hearts, of course, while resting on the deck's steps, and while walking in the woods, and even while packing to come back here:  A red heart sticker we hadn't noticed before appeared stuck to the kitchen floor.  "Well, I'll have to think about that one," Mom murmured as she looked down at it during one of her required laps around the house.  "  I have no idea where that would have come from."  She had just told me the day before that she hasn't had any stickers to add to her letters and envelopes in ages, so stickers could be a Christmas idea for her, if I needed any ideas. . . .♥  I couldn't bear to scrape it off of the tile.  Mom can ponder it while she completes her daily laps, and assuming Dad won't notice it if he mops the floor, I will enjoy seeing it again when I return home in three weeks to help Mom put up the Christmas trees, to try our hand at gluten-free crescent rolls, and to give Chef Dad a break from cooking supper.  Here's to every good heart that graces our journeys, and let us not take any of them for granted.